Panty Raid
by FarnesyFudge
Summary: Panties. Yukari wants them. The girls of class 3 all wear them. There is only one logical conclusion. Warning: Drunken word-salad and crude attempts at humor within.


A/N: I'm so very tired, and so completely drunk. I barely even know what I'm doing at this point…

* * *

Yukari threw back yet another beer. Her face had become a dull crimson thanks to the alcohol she had consumed over the evening.

"I think you've had enough, Yukari." Minamo said sternly, her own cheeks tinged a lighter shade of red from the lesser quantity of alcohol she'd had.

"No way Nyamo! I need more! More!" Yukari held her empty glass skyward.

"I can't even remember how many you've had so far. And who's going to pick up the tab?!" Minamo asked in panic as she remembered whom she was dealing with.

"More panties! I've only got one pair; I need more!" Yukari yelled out. "An' the tabs on you, Nyamo." She added quietly.

"Wait, what? Panties...you've got...more? And why do I have to foot the bill!" Minamo was confused and incensed in equal measure.

"We agreed on this previously; you'd pay for drinks, I'd take your underwear." Yukari said as if it were old news. "Now come on! Pay up and get those undies off!"

"I don't even…" Minamo made to facepalm in irritation, but was suddenly tackled to the ground. "Yukari!"

"I wonder what kind Nyamo's wearing? Frilly or straight-laced? Black or white? Striped or polka dot?" Yukari laughed maniacally and drunkenly as she scuffled for dominance with the other teacher.

* * *

Yukari fondled a pair of simple pink panties between her fingers as she stumbled down the street.

"I can't believe you did that. In the middle of a restaurant no less!" Minamo said indignantly. Yukari ignored her.

"You know what I'm thinkin', Nyamo?" Silence. "I'm thinkin' a panty raid is in order."

"You can't be serious. Really?" Minamo balked.

"Who in my class lives closest to here?" Yukari stopped, wobbling unsteadily, as she thought.

"Oh my god, you're really going to do this? Why in gods name...Forget it, I'm going home! I'm sure you'll be passed out in the gutter before long. Have fun!" Minamo stormed off, swaying side to side as she did.

"Whatever. I'll show her."

* * *

"Oh no, it looks like all the girls in our class have lost their underwear!" Chiyo pointed out for the convenience of the audience.

"I'm enjoying the refreshing breeze!" Tomo announced loudly as she wafted her hands under her skirt. Yomi bonked her on the head.

"I'm worried; what if there's a panty thief on the loose?" Kagura clenched a fist in anger. "This is so embarrassing!"

"I go commando all the time!" Chihiro called out from the back of the classroom. Everyone ignored her because she's not an important enough character.

Suddenly, the classroom door burst open!

"Everybody sit down." Luci Christian said groggily, her hair bedraggled and her eyes bloodshot; classic hangover syndrome. Over her shoulder she carried a large black bag, evidently full of cargo. "We have a slight situation."

"Miss Yukari, there's a panty thief on the loose! They stole everyone's panties!" Kagura said passionately.

"I know." Yukari said tiredly. She opened the black bag and poured out a huge pile of underwear onto her desk. "It was me."

"But-"

"Beer and sake, that's why." Yukari responded preemptively. "I don't remember most of what happened last night, so I'm gonna hold up these panties one by one, and you ladies can come up and claim 'em."

"But-"

"All clear? Good." Yukari dug her hand into the pile before her and pulled out a small pair of sky blue panties with teddy bear print all over them. Chiyo blushed as she walked up to reclaim them.

Next, Yukari pulled out a pair of frilly black panties with a bow on the hemline.

"M-mine." Kagura said weakly as she walked up to take them, blushing heavily.

Yukari pulled out a plain white pair. On the back, however, was printed 'Tomo's Bitch'. Yomi sighed as she trudged up to take them back. Tomo tried to laugh, but couldn't hide her blush.

Next was a barely-there black g-string.

"Oh, that's mine!" Osaka chimed happily. She skipped up and gladly took them from a slightly surprised (And still thoroughly hungover) Yukari. After that came a plain black pair of panties that read 'Yomi's Pet' across the backside.

Tomo chuckled nervously as she stepped up to retrieve them. Yomi tried to suppress the sly smile she wore.

After everyone else's underwear had been dealt with, only Sakaki remained. The only undies left were a pair of lacy black, crotchless panties. Sakaki couldn't have been any redder as she retrieved them, with Kaori hyperventilating at the sight.

"So that's everyone now, thank christ. Please don't report me and I'll forget all about-" Yukari's ultimatum was interrupted by an unnamed background character.

"You didn't give Chihiro her panties back!" Chihiro wagged a finger disapprovingly.

"I told you guys; I go commando!" Chihiro threw up her skirt, revealing...nothing. Only the outline of her crotch sketched in pencil. "Goddammit, Kiyohiko!"


End file.
